


Fledgling

by MOFOSTAN



Category: South Park
Genre: Cheating, F/M, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Real Life, Relationship(s), Slice of Life, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MOFOSTAN/pseuds/MOFOSTAN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wendy decides to break it with Stan because she felt that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. She takes her time to grieve and to cope with it all, because he was an important part of her life. Thing is... when Stan takes up a new girlfriend almost immediately and when Wendy hears a horrible rumor, will Wendy still be able to cope with everything? Also... Kyle seems to be getting uncomfortably close in all of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The End is the Beginning

“I think we should break up…” I said, my head down and my heart twisting painfully.

 

I glanced up at him and he looked shocked. Utterly shocked. This completely took him by surprise. Why did it, though? He must have seen it coming. He must have expected it. I haven’t seen in him in almost a week. This routinely separation has been consistent in the past few months. This distance he puts between us, this wall he has built… he must have seen it coming. He must have known that I would get tired of being ignored eventually. I am human. Part of me wants to take back what I just said. The other part of me feels relieved, because I’ve been pressing to do this for a while.

He’s so silent. I stare at the gravel under his feet, an ant shuffling under the dip of a rock near his faded tennis shoes. We are near Stark’s Pond, the cold wind just beginning to take form under the humidity of late summer. _Say something… will you?_ I shouldn’t expect much. This is such a hard thing to be told. Years of being together, and someone telling you this? That’s why I will never tell him that I have just begun to like someone else. It started when he was so distant to me. Feeling ignored and unwanted, someone else made me feel important. I won’t tell him that. I don’t want to hurt him. Part of me still loves him so much. That’s why I prolonged this. I would have bouts of second thoughts. Bouts of moments where I would feel each morsel within me bound to his heart and existence. Now I know that it was just the deep, true love I felt for him withering away slowly, like a fire that slowly extinguishes and sparks of burned ash pops out of the coal or wood as it settles. Those bouts were the sparks dying. Now, all that is left is a small blue flame, barely lit, but still present and still hoping that he’ll beg me not to go along with this. A small fire still hoping he would promise me with all of his might that he will change, and this time… hopefully keep his promise.

“Is that okay?” I said, my voice barely audible. A man riding a bike has passed us.

“Y-yeah…” He turned away. I wanted to hold him there. I wanted to hold him and take it back.

He did it for me though. He held me and he stood quiet. I clasped my arms around him and I began to cry. He simply stood there, silent and unmoving. I had figured he was trying not to cry as we both let it marinate. We both let the fact that it was all over sit.

“I’m sorry…” I cried, my head buried in his neck. He just nodded. “I’m so sorry…” I whimpered. No one would ever understand how difficult and heart-wrenching this felt, unless they took the same steps.

I had told him everything. How neglected I felt. How I cried about a horrible and therapist-worthy memory that I recalled, when I was a child, over the summer and he stood there, a bored expression carved on his face. How could he not hold me or tell me that he was there for me? What had happened was horrible, and he didn’t comfort me. He didn’t even look concerned. I told him how hurt I felt that day or had told me that he was sorry. How could you do that to someone?

I told him about how hurt I felt that he gave his jacket to other girls but never to me. How I almost had to _beg_ him to lend him his jacket. How he went to the movies with her. How he went to another girl’s house at midnight to “hang” without her parents’ home about a year ago.

I told him how distant he was. I told him how I wouldn’t even see him if it wasn’t for school. I know I’ve been studying so much lately, trying to get good grades. I’ve been trying to pass my AP classes. I’ve been trying to apply for colleges and scholarships. Still… I would have time for him whenever he needed me. I was there two days before when he needed to finish homework and I was the one who tutored him for the SATs last year when I needed to study myself. How I lend him books because I wanted him to improve his writing in class, because his grades were slipping. I was there when he wanted to talk about his video games _all_ of the time. I was there when he wanted to hang out most of the time. I neglected my studies to be with him and my grade slipped to a ‘C’ last year in Physics. I also felt horribly guilty whenever I was talking about my good grades or my opinion on an article or political event and he would simply stare ahead, bored and ignoring me. He would deliberately make me feel guilty for expressing my intelligence with his words! So I had stopped talking to him about my things. I had let him talk about his things. Stifling my excitement as I had earned an ‘A’ in class. How I was keeping it to myself because I didn’t want to make him feel insecure. I couldn’t be myself around him… but he could always be himself around me.

I was even up at three at the morning finishing my homework for Government and I still wasted another hour to print out a contact sheet of community service opportunities that I know he never used or cared to search, although he was always complaining about how time was running out for him to finish him community hours. Still, he “forgot” to invite me when our friends planned something and I didn’t know. He “forgot” to text me goodnight occasionally and would then play the victim when I forgot to insert a heart icon ONCE in my goodnight text because I was tired from studying and wasn’t paying attention. Who does that? How can he be so clingy sometimes but such a stranger the next? Why does he always have to play the victim? HE’S the one hurting ME. I shouldn’t be the one feeling guilty. Still… I do now. I felt horrible as we stood there, our arms fastened around each other.

He held onto me tighter, just like he used to, his hands clasping my back and his head dipped in the nip of my neck. Suddenly all of my old feelings returned and the fire grew unexpectedly, but I suppressed them. I had to stay strong. I knew what I was doing and I did it. I’ve rethought this a million times. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I had to be strong. I kept repeating that to myself.

“Are you mad?” I asked him softly, my eyes still wet and my mouth curled up in grief. Right there I knew that Stan would take a long time to get over.

“I could never be mad at you, Wends.” He said to me. I knew he wouldn’t cry. I knew he wouldn’t want me to see him cry. I knew he was trying so hard to bite back his tears. That’s why when I heard his voice falter; I held him tighter and asked him, “We’ll stay friends, right? I know it sounds cliché, but I’m serious. I don’t want much to change between us and our friends. I know you need time and I need time too. I just want us to still be friends after this. I don’t want this to break up our group.”

His friends were my friends and my friends were his friends. We all hung out in one group in school. Mostly it was just him, Kenny, Cartman, Bebe, Red, and me. Kyle hasn’t been hanging with us since middle school. He does sometimes, but he focuses mostly on his schoolwork. He’s mostly my friend now. Stan and him… they still talk occasionally, but he’s my friend now. That’s why I was hurt by Stan. Stan had all of the time in the world after school, but he still chose to ignore me. Kyle, on the other hand, was always busy, just like me; yet, he still took the time to call me some days and talk to me for an hour or two.

“It won’t. I don’t ever want to be your stranger.” _But you already are_ , I thought. “I won’t ever forget you.”

“I will never forget you too.” I separated from him and held his arms as I looked at him, his gaze elsewhere. “And if you need anything at all, I’m here for you always. I will always be here. If you need to help with homework, or you need someone to talk to, I’m here. My mother will always be there for you too. She likes you a lot and she told me to tell you that if you need anything, she’s there as well. I want us to call each other once and a while. When you’re up in college five years later or when we’re thirty and married to talk about our lives. ‘How’s school going?’ or ‘I can’t believe you’re having twins.’” I wiped my tears as I said that.

“Don’t ever change your phone number.” He laughed.

I smiled, and at that moment I thought everything was going to be okay. “If I do, I’ll text you my new one.”

How could I have known that my hopes were to be crushed?

“If it’s alright… can I have one last kiss?” I asked.

“God, yes.” He said, bringing my face close and our lips together. I haven’t kissed him properly in weeks. I have been mad at him for all of the things he has done, but now, I wanted to give all of our relationship in one kiss. I wanted to show him how much he meant to me in once kiss. I put in all of my feelings in that one kiss and I regretted nothing of it. That was it. When we separated, I knew that our kiss was the end of it all. Our last kiss was the very end of our relationship. I honestly thought that he put in just as much as I had in that last kiss… how could I have known otherwise? Regardless of all our problems and all of the hurtful situations that took place, I still trusted him. I still trusted that he loved me well in our relationship. That he was at least a good guy.

We started walking around the large pond, and after a while I asked him about the game I knew he loved. He went to Red’s house the other day to play Halo 4, because she had just bought it. He started telling me about the game and how amazing it was. We started laughing and I felt like everything was going to be okay. When we reached my house, we acted like we usually did, minus the hugging and the kissing. We acted like we did months ago before he started to ignore me. We were fine. He was fine. He left his bike in my house, and my mother drove him to his house. I waved goodbye and I went back to my house. I did my homework and then I cried. I let out everything in the bathroom in silence.

I thought everything was over. I thought everything was going to get better. Then I had a phone call.

_Clyde Donovan_

“Hello?”

“Wendy. What. Happened?” He asked me, completely serious.

“You mean about…”

“Yes. You guys were like the perfect couple. What happened?”

“How do you know!?” I asked. I honestly thought Stan wouldn’t make this a big deal. The only one I told was Bebe and I had told her that I was going to do this before. Maybe Bebe said it because she liked Clyde. How could she just do that? I told her that I wanted this to be quiet at first because I didn’t want to trouble Stan.

“Bebe. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. I won’t. I just want to know what’s going on. I already called Stan and-”

“WHAT!?” I shrieked, scaring my cat. “HOW COULD YOU!? IT’S TOO SOON!!! DON’T BOTHER HIM AGAIN!”

“Jesus, don’t scream, woman!” He assured me. “I just want to know both sides of the story.”

“What did Stan tell you?”

“I have a pretty good idea what’s going on, but I won’t tell you what he told me.”

Well, at least I know he can keep things confidential.

“What do you want to know…?”

“Why did you do it?”

I sighed. “Because he was distant. If it wasn’t for school, I wouldn’t even see him… I just felt like he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore. So I did it. He’s a good guy, so I just want things to be quiet for a while. I don’t want to trouble him. He needs time before shit like gossip circulates.”

“Don’t worry. There won’t be gossip. Bebe only told me because we both are good friends and talk all of the time. She wouldn’t tell anyone else.” That was true. She’s known to be a big mouth, but I know for a fact that she would never say anything serious to other people unless she trusted them. She would never spread gossip about a close friend. “I see. That’s what Stan said you told him. Did he say anything to you?”

“Not really… I asked him if he had anything to say before I broke out the news, but he didn’t have anything to say.” _As always._ “Well… except… but that’s private.”

“You mean about the sex thing?”

“He… he told you?”

“Yeah, though I understand why you didn’t want to do it. He also wished that he could talk about more perverted things to you.”

I can’t believe he would say that to others. “But he knows I feel uncomfortable with that kind of talk. He knows I’m very decent and clean, and I don’t like that sort of vulgar conversation. That shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t talk about politics or philosophy with him because I know that makes him uncomfortable. I respected him!”

“Calm down...” I tried, but how could I? That kind of thing was private. How could he tell someone else just like that?

“Okay…”

“Also, I understand you about the whole crying thing. He said he felt guilty for not comforting you about your past and all.”

“Oh, he said tha- WAIT, HE TOLD YOU ABOUT MY PAST!?”

“What? No. I mean he said you had something in your past that was really big and that it was why you were uncomfortable about the whole sex thing and that was it. He didn’t say what it was.”

But it was obvious now. It was obvious because he linked it to the reason why I didn’t want to have sex. Why I didn’t like to hear perverse talk. How could he say that? It was obvious now. Had he not measured his words? Had he no tact in his actions? Had he not cared for my reputation and my secrets? I felt so hurt.

“He shouldn’t have said anything at all.” I said, my voice breaking.

“I honestly don’t know, Wendy. Don’t worry.” He assured me.

“Okay…” I said softly. But… it was so obvious now…

“There’s something missing here. Sshh, Stan.” He said that last bit softly.

“Stan’s there?” I asked hectically.

“What? No.”

“But you just said-”

“Yeah, but I was talking to my, uh, dog. I mean, there’s something missing.”

“Your dog’s name is Stan?”

“No, I wasn’t finished with my sentence.”

“Oh… sorry.”

“STAN must be hiding something… or you must be hiding something. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“How does it not make any sense? I broke up with him because of the reasons I just told you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know. This doesn’t make sense in my head.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that, and honestly, I’m not going to explain myself more to you. I broke up with him because he was distant and because I felt he didn’t want to be in our relationship anymore. That’s all to it.”

“Do you like someone else?”

I hesitated for a second. “No.”

“You hesitated.”

“Because I didn’t expect you to ask something like that. I don’t like anyone else and honestly I wouldn’t break up with him because of that. I had decided long ago, before I met him, that no other guy would affect my decision to break up with someone. It will be because of my reasons and my reasons only. If I develop a crush on someone, I’ll toss that away and focus on Stan because I know he’s worth it.” That was true. I ignored my feelings for Kyle until I broke up with Stan. I even put distance between Kyle and me. I respected Stan and I broke up with him because of separate reasons, not for Kyle.

“Okay. I believe you. If Stan’s worth it, why’d you do it?” Clyde inquired.

“Because I didn’t feel like I was worth it to Stan.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Yes. Sometimes I would talk to him about it and tell him what I felt and he would say he would change, but he never did. So I gave him enough warnings and I gave him enough chances.”

“Okay. Well, I think I got everything I need, now. Night.”

“Kay, night.”

I sighed and hung up. I then texted Bebe.

_How could you tell Clyde? -_ Wendy

Two minutes later and she responded.

_Sorry we were talking n i told him about it. Why? Did he call u or something? I told him not to tell people._ \- Bebe

_He didn’t say anything to anyone. I just… he talked to Stan. He wasn’t supposed to do that. Stan needs time and it’s not fair for him to ask that from me when Clyde barely even knows me. I’ve only talked to him once or twice this school year._ – Wendy

_Sorry… i didnt know he would do that…_ \- Bebe

_Do you think I should check with Stan? I want to know if he’s okay…_ \- Wendy

_U think thats fine? Isnt he mad or something? –_ Bebe

_No. He said that we’re still friends. I just want to check up on him. –_ Wendy

_Kay. Good luck!_ – Bebe

I scrolled down for Stan’s number and proceeded.

_Are we good? –_ Wendy

It was an hour until he answered. I suddenly regretted texting him. It was too soon. Thankfully, he seemed to be taking it slow and well.

_Yes… I’ll just need time to recover. Yes, We are Good.-_ Stan

_Oh ok. No, I understand. I was just worried about the whole thing with Clyde. –Wendy_

_Right… him._

_Bebe told him to call me to help and then after talking with to then call you…_

_I told him it was a bad Idea… but He did it anyways. –_ Stan

_It was. Well, I was just concerned. I’ll leave you be. –_ Wendy

_Sweet Dreams,_

_Nightingale. –_ Stan

That was his pet name for me.

_Sweet dreams, stan. Have fun with your awesome dream tonight. –_ Wendy

Stan always had vividly adventurous dreams that took place in video game or movie settings. He always was bragging about how cool they were. Actually, they _were_ pretty cool.

_I shall. –_ Stan

And that was the end of it. I smiled to myself and disregarded the call I had just received from Clyde. I convinced myself that things were going to be a bit awkward for a while; but that we were going to be good friends and that everything was going to be fine.

I was about to retire to my room until I noticed I had a missed call. It was from Kyle. I immediately called back, my heart pounding and my anxiety growing. Did he know?

“Hey. How’s it going, Wends?”

“H-hey. It’s going fine. Just about to retire.”

“Oh, sorry. Should I talk to you tomorrow?”

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m not that sleepy anyways. How are you doing?”

“Good. Good. Just done helping my brother read the Torah in Hebrew.”

“Oh, that’s right. His bar mitzvah is coming up soon.”

“Yep. He’s bright, so he got the hang of it quickly.”

“That’s good.” I smiled to myself, imagining Kyle teaching his smart-ass brother. Then Kyle would get angry at some condescending comment Ike would make. Kyle would retort accordingly and then Ike would make fun of him for something. Kyle would tell him to shut up and to pay attention to the lesson or he’d tell their mother something Ike did. Ike would shut up and listen. I’ve seen it all a million times. He’s a good brother.

“How’re you doing?”

“Well. My classes are going well. I have a test tomorrow on Lit. and I think I’m ready for it.”

“Oh? What on?”

“Poems. It’s so tedious.”

“Tell me about it. I’m not really an English kind of guy, but it feels more like math to me.” He chuckled.

“Right?” I giggled back.

“Everything going good with Stan?”

My heart sank at the mention of Stan’s name. I guess the ordeal affected me more than I had realized. What people don’t seem to generally get is that the one who is dumped is not the only one who suffers. Although I didn’t want to just tell people to tell people, I shouldn’t lie or deny anything if they ask me.

“Not really. I broke up with him today…”

“Oh...”

“Yeah…”

“Are you okay?” I loved that. He didn’t require an explanation or anything. He immediately worried about me instead.

“Yeah… not really. I think we’re good though. We talked and laughed about school and games afterwards, I figure to cheer each other up. We’re still going to stay friends.”

“Well, if you need to talk or anything, I’m here. Stan definitely has my concern as well. Though, I figure he has the concern of many. I worry more about you. You’re such a strong character that people might brush you off as if you’re doing well and don’t need comfort.”

“Thanks…” I smiled to myself, feeling myself get tearful; my voice didn’t waver though. “I just felt neglected, because he was putting a lot of distance between us. I’m fine. Thank you. That was really nice of you.”

“No problem. I hope you both do well. It’s good that you have decided to stay friends. You have quite a group there, and it’s good to know the group will stay glued. Sorry I don’t go to lunch with you guys often.”

“No, it’s fine. I know you have many things to do. Everyone knows. The only one being an ass about it is the one with the biggest ass.” I giggled.

“Ha! Yeah, _that_ asshole. Screw him, he could go jump in a shark infested pool for all I care. In fact, I’ll invest my time and money to see that happens.”

“Please let me help.”

“We can both push him in together.”

“Cover him with fish guts.”

“Then the sharks will _really_ be at him. Good idea.”

“Pfft.” I giggled to myself. “We’re contemplating murder, you know?”

“Eh. It’s okay. It’s just Cartman.”

“We’ll be doing society a favor.”

“They’ll throw us a parade.”

I laughed, and for the moment, I felt the lingering hurt disappear and that was good.

“So um… do we need to meet up or anything at the moment? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Thank you so much.”

“That’s good. If anything happens, you can talk to me.”

“I’ll do that, thanks.”

“Well, I’m going to take a bath now. I’ll let you go.”

“Sure, sure. Night.”

“Yeah, night.”

 

Yeah… I’m fine… I told myself. Even though the tears started to build up and the lingering hurt returned with a vengeance, I told myself that I was fine. I was fine because I was young. I was single. Kyle was there for me. Things were okay. Still… I was with him for many steady years. Everything came out and I started to cry, burying my head under my pillows and sobbing. I wasn’t going to turn back, but I was going to let myself grieve. This pain… I had to get over him, I thought. I knew that it was going to take a long while. I needed time. A lot of time. He was important to me and I needed time. He meant the world to me when I was with him, and it will be a long while for me to get over him. I wasn’t going to date anyone anytime soon. Even if Kyle had suddenly asked me out within the next few weeks or even months, I was going to say no. I need time to get over Stan and it wouldn’t be fair for Stan to seem me go out with someone else immediately. I may have done that when I was smaller, but that was when I was a child. I’m older and wiser now and I take people’s feelings into account. I also don’t go off on the rebound. That wouldn’t be fair to Kyle, who would never ask me out anyways.

I thought Stan would do the same. I really thought Stan would be decent enough to do the same. It was until I saw him the next day, hugging Heidi (the girl he went with the movies with as a friend a few weeks ago) passionately in the hallway that I thought otherwise. It might have been my horrible imagination, but I thought I saw him kiss the nip of her neck.

He wouldn’t do that… right? No… she was probably just comforting him.

They might end up together later, but it would take a long while.

He wouldn’t date her anytime soon though… right?

I was wrong. 


	2. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

It was two weeks later and I was heading out to my class in the tip of the morning. I had to take an Art credit to graduate high school, so I decided to take AP Art History (primarily to add the title to my applications). I thought, although AP, it was going to be simple simply because of the word “Art”. Ha! Boy, was I stupid. Eighty notecards for one chapter. All of them art pieces. WE ONCE HAD TO COMPARE CAVEMAN PAINTINGS IN AN ESSAY. What do you say? “Oh, that stick figure painted on limestone walls is different from that other stick figure painted on stone because one has a spear and the other doesn’t.” Then you have to incorporate meaning into CAVE PAINTINGS and etc, etc. Thank God we moved pasted that and unto ancient Greece (at least the bullshit on the essays made sense now).

Classes were moving along considerably at ease and my nerves faltered into a state of cautious relief. Honestly, the break up, although painful and still scorching, had come to be a relief. I mean, first of all, we had talked via text more than we had when we were dating. Stan had barely shown up to lunch with everyone for the past two weeks. Only twice, of which he acted completely normal to me (which was great). Honestly, being single wasn’t much of a difference than being with Stan (in the later part of our relationship). It was the occasional memory and the attendance of school which brought back old nostalgia. The transition sunk in ease compared to what I thought was going to happen: a series of long and painful wistfulness and longing. I still worried about him, and the spontaneous thought of “Stan would like this” when I saw something in Macy’s or “Stan would have said a joke by now” when I hung around my friends still struck a heavy tang in my heart filled with grief and yearning. I could only hope, at the time, that Stan was going through all of this with even more ease than I had. I should have held onto the old proverb “be careful what you wish for”.

 I saw him once with Heidi in another group while I walked across the lunch area to the main office to acquire my transcript for an application. I admit it hurt extensively, but I assimilate. I deal. I’m mature enough to do so. I mean, the way he touches her at time bugs me, and the distance between them irks me, but it’s fine. Even though I keep my distance with Kyle and give myself and Stan time to deal with the break up, _it’s fine_.

What I couldn’t deal with was what I was about to hear. The worst part was not the first text I got, but the text I deem the catalyst to everything.

 _Omg wendy stan going out,with that girl wendy wtf im pissed_ – Tammy

Tammy was a good friend of mine that I had for study hall. We were worlds apart and only talked in that class, barely outside of it, but we told each other everything. She would voice her problems with her current boyfriend, and I would mine. We would talk about family issues and other troubles, etc. Not only troubles, but successes as well. I trusted her.

 _Stan’s going out with another girl? -_ Wendy

 _That girl that said she was a lesbian I just saw them kissing im pissed off he’s a dick –_ Tammy

 _She’s bi and it hasn’t even been two weeks. I knew those two had something. They went to the movies when we were dating. -_  Wendy

 _Somehow I knew. The very day after I broke up with him i saw them hug passionately in the halls. –_ Wendy

 _Wow asshole real asshole I do not want to tAlk to him –_ Tammy

 _It comesto show he didn’t even care about me. I did the right thing. –_ Wendy

And it was true. I did the right thing. If not even two weeks into being single, he dates another person; I have come to conclude that he wasn’t even broken up about the break up. Maybe it came to a shock to him. Maybe it hurt him a little, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even grieve. It obviously hurt me and I felt like the whole affliction was a punch in the stomach and a taunt to our relationship. Two weeks and he’s already with another girl... I texted Tammy back. I didn’t really care if I was in class or if the teacher could see me. The thing about being in an AP class is that the teachers, wrongfully, trust students WAY too much. Also, if you miss a part of the lesson, it’s ultimately your own fault.

 _Yea wow it probably didn’t even bother him –_ Tammy

 _And yet he acted like the victim and like he was hurt_ – Wendy

 _Fucking two face bro im mad wow you will find someone better who actually cares about you ,I would have never expected that from him ever. –_ Tammy

What I was about to say was entirely true and part of the reason I broke up with him.

 _He’s passive aggressive. Always acting like the victim, making people feel guilty and baby him. A wolf in lamb’s clothing –_ Wendy

 _I’m so sorry man I hope she wasnt your friend –_ Tammy

 _Not really_ – Wendy

And it had been true. I had only talked to her a couple of times and although we were friendly with each other and have given each other hugs, I didn’t really consider her a close friend.

 _Wow I feel like saying something –_ Tammy

 _It’s fine. Thanks for telling me –_ Wendy

So, although I was hurt and angry, I decided to keep things to myself. I decided to stay calm and act like nothing was bothering me. I decided to stay calm and listen to the lecture my teacher gave up on the board. I wasn’t going to let them see how affected I was about it. I wasn’t going to let myself be made a fool. The teacher finished her lecture and we had time to work on our notecards and study guides (due next week).

That was before the next text. The one that changed it all. The one that gutted me and broke me down.

 _Yup he was cheating on you I heard her talking about it –_ Tammy

It took me a while to process what I had just read. I looked at the words but they made no sense to me. I read them over and over again. I realized I had tears in my eyes. I covered my mouth with my hands and looked around. My classmates were focused on their studies and I didn’t want to make a scene. I was about to let out a sob. I panicked. I rushed into the bathroom right in front of my classroom. The teacher had let us walk in and out for bathroom privileges without asking. Thankfully, no one was in the bathroom.

I locked myself in one of the stalls and I began to sob. At first I was still in shock, but as the words sank in deeper and deeper, the harder it was to contain the fact that he cheated on me. He _cheated_ on me. By then I couldn’t control myself. I tried to be quite. I tried to hide it. I really did. I choked back one sob while a cleaning lady was emptying out the trash. She heard me and I tried to hold it back but I was hysteric by now. You know, those moments in your life when you cry to the point of hyperventilating, unable to control the hiccup of a sob. I was there by then. The lady asked me if I was okay. I told her that I was fine and I just needed time. I would go back to class if I just had a few more minutes. She kept persisting, saying something about women being strong or something, I didn’t exactly listen. I wanted to crawl into a hall and disappear into the abyss. I tried to calm down, but the more she talked, the more agitated I became. Finally, a girl I hadn’t recognized entered and told the woman I was fine and that she needed to leave me be. The woman left and the girl had asked me if I was fine. I thanked her sincerely. She told me to take care, and I heard her footsteps as she walked away. I was finally able to calm down and all it was to it now was to have my face simmer back to normal. I looked in the mirror in the large stall and I saw that my nose was puffed up, red and all. My eyes were red and the concealer rubbed off from my face. Shit. I left my bag in the classroom and couldn’t fix myself up. I waited, trying to think of school work. Anything. When I thought of Kyle, I suddenly felt slightly better. In five minutes, my face was back to normal, but it was too late. I felt disgusting. I felt horrible. I had my puffy and red face engraved in my mind and I thought to myself, “Is this how I look when I cry?” I looked gross. I looked ugly. I couldn’t suppress the next thought fast enough and it came blurting out in my mind.

_Maybe I disgusted him. That’s why he cheated on me._

The thought scared me and I disregarded it, but the dead was done. The inception of that insecurity was already imprinted in my mind, searing its ugly head in my conscious, torturing me. I had to get a hold of myself. I had to go back into class. It had been twenty minutes already and class was about to end. Still, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head by the time I entered class and sat down, no one looking at me oddly (thankfully). “I’m ugly” kept replaying in my head. “I’m not good enough” Kept repeating and repeating. “I’m intolerable.” It wouldn’t stop. “I’m high maintenance.” The insults kept pouring. “I pushed him to it” Stop it… “I should just di-”

The bell rang and my heart lurched in its place. I looked around and people were getting up from their desks. I stumbled up and walked along. I looked up to the ceiling whenever the tears threatened me. As I walked along the hallways, I caught a glimpse of Kyle. Oh yeah, we usually pass by each other at this point.

“Hey, Wen-” My face must have looked odd or red, because he looked at me in a concerned manner and spoke in a slow and serious form, “Wendy, are you okay?”

I felt like a deer caught in headlights. “Y-yeah…” I immediately shook my head, biting back tears. “Not really…”

“Let’s talk about it in lunch, okay.” His hand gripped my shoulder and slipped away as he entered his classroom. I entered my Calculus classroom and sat down, putting my head down. My friend asked me something about homework, but I just gave her my homework to look at, excusing myself as being tired.

Waiting for lunch was agonizing. I focused one the Rose Petal equation and solving the radians to an x-intercept and the angles to a y-intercept. My heart was out of it. I kept messing up. I didn’t understand what was going on and I gave up near the end. I gave up and left it for another day. Finally the bell rang and I trudged out of my classroom. I texted Kyle that I was going to go to him. It would be bad if he came to me. I didn’t want my friends knowing. It wasn’t really their business, and a part of me was embarrassed. Also, a part of me – one in which I was angry at – didn’t want to cause troubles or rumors for Stan and Heidi.

I saw Kyle waiting in front of the lunch area. I also saw Stan walking along with Kenny, Bebe, Red, and… Heidi. I hated her. I was nice to her and I kind of trusted that she wouldn’t do that to me. I wanted to make Stan jealous or angry or something. I don’t know what I wanted. I approached Kyle he softly smiled at me, and I tugged at his wrist, asking him if we could talk elsewhere. He nodded and we went off near the main office. I turned slightly and saw that no one had noticed, besides Stan. He looked at me curiously, but turned his attention to Heidi when she kissed his cheek. That burned. That actually burned. I felt the squelching pain burn a hole into my stomach. I turned back around and saw that Kyle was looking at me.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I got a text that…” _Just spit it out, Wendy._ “Stan cheated on me.”

Kyle widened his eyes and I heard a slight gasp coming from his lips. “Oh…”

I nodded.

“Wow, did he actually confess this to you  or…”

“My friend had texted me that his _girlfriend_ talked about it and she overheard it.” I said, more bitter than I have intended.

“His girlfriend?” Kyle asked.

“Heidi. My friend has her first period with Heidi and she overheard her talking about it.” I explained.

“Oh God, that’s… are you okay?” Kyle asked, almost wanting to approach but restraining himself.

I shook my head and felt my lips quiver, but I wasn’t going to cry. Stan wasn’t going to get me to cry in front of people. Not now, not ever. I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure.

“Well, it’s horrible. You guys seemed like you really had a great thing when you were dating.” I didn’t want to hear that. The thought came to me as he said it that it might have all been just a lie. “But what he has done is unforgivable.”

“Yeah, well, she went to the movies with him when we were dating, and the day after I broke up with him he was passionately hugging her in the hallways.” I explained. “It’s not the first time something like this has happened…”

“Oh?”

“I… Well last year he was really close to Henrietta. He would hang out with her all of the time and they would… I found out that he would go to her house often late at night, like ten to midnight or later, without her parents’ home.”

“Wow… that’s a red flag.”

“Yeah.” I said bitterly. “He said they were like brothers and sisters and nothing was going on, but… I don’t know. I trusted him and he stopped doing it after I confronted him about it.”

“I… I didn’t expect that from Stan. Stan could be a little… moody, but he was always dead set on you.”

“Yeah, totally dead set.” I said sarcastically. “You know what the worst part is?”

“What?”

“He didn’t have the guts… why wasn’t he man enough to break up with me if he liked someone else. I mean, I was _pushed_ to break up with him because I felt he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. If it wasn’t for school, I wouldn’t see or talk to him. If he liked someone else, why couldn’t he just end it? Why did he have to confuse and hurt me?” I confessed, revealing more than I had intended to out of rash emotion.  I cursed at myself when I heard my voice slightly break.

I was suddenly embraced. Kyle’s strong arms were around me, one hand grasping my head to his chest. I bit my lip and I suddenly felt like crying exactly like I did in the bathroom. I took in his scent and that was the first time I noticed how good he smelled.

“He’s a coward…” Kyle finally said after a while, almost reluctantly pulling away from me.

“Please don’t say this to anyone. I still want to confront him about it. I want to make sure, even if he denies it. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He nodded. “How are your classes?”

“Oh… um… Good. I’m going to have a quiz next class in math.” I told him.

“That’s good. I, um… my European History class is a pain. The teacher floods us with homework from long chapters.”

“That sucks… are you doing well?”

“Yeah, I have a ‘B’. I didn’t do so well in my last test, mostly because I was concentrating on the ACT. I have to get my grade up a bit.” He admitted.

I realized then that he was trying to distract me.

“Yeah, I took the ACT last week too. Over at the college in Denver.”

“Yeah, I went to the high school up in North Park.”

“I hope I get a good score.” I said aloud.

“Yeah, it’s crucial for college. Do you… what universities are you applying to?”

“The in-state ones. I have my eye on UConn, though…”

“Connecticut? Wow, cool. You know, I have family in Connecticut, I might go live with them after graduation.”

“You mean the ‘Jewish stereotype Kyle’?” I laughed.

He smiled uncomfortably thinking about him. “Yeah, but Kyle’s going to Florida. His mom will be lonely, and she’s not that bad. Plus, it’s cheaper than living by yourself. Like I’m living with my mom any longer. I love her death but… you know.”

“Yeah…” I nodded understandably.

“So maybe, we’ll visit each other sometimes, living in the same state and all.”

“That would nice.” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling if I wanted to.

“So um… you’re going to be okay?” He asked again.

My smile sunk. “Yeah… I think I am. Thank you. I’ll tell you what happens when I confront him… if that’s okay…”

“Yeah, please. I want to know if you’re fine.”

“Sure. I’ll do that.” I smiled, honestly feeling better. I waved goodbye to him as he nodded knowingly and smiled, and then I walked to my group of friends. If Stan was there, I would wait to confront him after school.

_Please don’t be there. Please don’t be there. Please don’t be there._

My thoughts repeated over and over. I couldn’t face him if he were there. Fortunately, he wasn’t. He was with his new girlfriend. _His better girlfriend._ Stop it. I had to stop these thoughts. I was better than this and I shouldn’t let what some guy did to me bring me down. He’s not worth it… he’s not and I am. I had to keep telling myself that. I just had to.

Tammy was there in the corner talking to Kenny. Everyone, mostly, already knew that Stan and I were over. Thankfully, people like Craig (who sometimes visited us) never asked why. I respected people like Craig, and even Kenny.

“What took you forever, bitch?” Cartman sneered.

“Aw, you missed me? How sweet.” I said in a disgustingly faux voice.

“Ew.” He rolled his eyes.

I sat next to Kenny and he talked to Red about something that I wasn’t paying attention to. I didn’t feel like crying at the moment, so at least I felt better about the ordeal. I had made a note to thank Kyle for that later.

“I gotta go to the Activities Office to turn in something. Anyone wants to come along.” Kenny asked as he threw away his lunch.

“I’ll go.” I volunteered.

“Sure, come on.” He beckoned and I left with him.

We walked along the pavement by the mural glazed walls in our school, swerving about the clumps of crowds.

“What do you need to turn in?” I asked.

“Money for the cap and gown.” He answered.

“That was due three weeks ago… oh.” I realized, recalling how down trotted Kenny had been with money.

“Yeah. So how are you with Stan… do you know he has a…”

“A girlfriend after just two weeks, yeah.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said.

“I’m going to tell you something I heard and have yet to confirm… but I trust you because honestly, you’re one of my closest friends. I mean Bebe… I tell her things, but I have noticed that she tells people or she tries to influence me, when she should just listen… so is that okay if I trust you with this?”

“Sure thing, Wends. I mean, it’s cool you trust me. Believe it or not, I’m always dumped secrets on by practically everyone in the group. Trust me, I don’t even say secrets when I’m drunk.” Kenny laughed.

“Yeah, you got that trusting aura about you.” I prolonged the secret. “I… I got a text from a friend that overheard Stan’s girlfriend telling someone that he cheated on me with her.”

Kenny stopped dead on his tracks. I glanced up to his face and my blood curdled slightly. His face looked dangerously pissed and he began to trot along Stan’s direction. I immediately regretted telling him. I grabbed his arm and twisted in front of him, grasping his shoulders for him to stop.

“KEN! DON’T YOU DARE!” I yelled, scaring a few people who didn’t even know us.

“So you don’t want me to punch the bastard straight to hell?” Kenny growled.

“No! Look, I haven’t even confirmed it with him or his girlfriend. I just… I’m glad you’re willing to do this, but please don’t. This is between me and him and I only told you because I absolutely trust you. Don’t make me regret it. I honestly don’t want to cause them both problems. If what my friend said was true, and I have no reason to believe that she would lie to me, then I leave them to karma and to God. If what I heard wasn’t true, then I don’t want to cause or inflict problems on their relationship…” I explained.

He pressed his lips together, glaring at Stan’s direction. “Fine. Fucking fine.”

“And I don’t want you to hate him. He’s a good friend. You know that, he’s a good friend.”

“Yeah… the best…” He admitted, his face growing softer.

“Exactly, so just because he probably did me wrong, that doesn’t give you a card to do him wrong by beating the shit out of him.” I said.

He looked at me and said almost painfully. “You’re really strong, you know?”

I smiled slightly. “Thanks…”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Confront him. After school. I’m going to confront him. I don’t care if he denies it, it’s for my piece of mind. If someone had leaked a rumor, true or not, I would want someone to confront me about it before it got out of hand. If I was dating someone and I didn’t cheat on them, I would want Stan to confront me and ask me directly rather than assume.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m just disappointed in him. How could he?”

“I don’t know… hey… I told someone else.”

“If you don’t want rumors to spread, then why are you telling people?”

“Because I trust you, Ken. I also trust the other person.”

“Who’d you tell?”

“A… a guy I have just recently started to like.”

“Ooooh~”

I smiled and pushed Ken away shyly. “Shut up.”

“Who do you like?”

I glanced at him and bit my lip. “I know him?”

“Maybe…”

“Is he in our group?”

“Used to be… he’s been pretty busy for a long while though…” I obviously gave it away.

“NO.” He said as if I had told him something scandalous, his grin amplified to a ridiculous degree.

I threw my head back and laughed. “Shut. Up.”

“Since when?”

“Recently… I mean, I have always thought of Kyle as a good friend but recently… I don’t know. He makes me feel important. “

“Funny because he told me that he likes you the other day.”

“Really?” I asked, my heart skipping a beat.

“Pfft. No! But I can’t believe I made you blush.” He began to roar with laughter.

“I’m gonna wring your neck, you hear me?” I yelled at him, but my smile betrayed my voice.

Kenny continued to laugh before pinching my cheek. “How cute. Wendy and Kyle sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“I’ll just come back to life.” He stuck his tongue at me.

“Please. Impossible, you little smart-ass.”

“Eh. Anything can happen in South Park.”

I gave that a thought and nodded with a laugh. “Such a crazy town.”

“So are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I think I am. After to talking to Kyle and you, I feel a lot better. Though, please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to make this a big deal.”

“Wends. Do you know me?”

“Just emphasizing.”

After we were done with turning in the money for Kenny’s graduation cap and gown, we rejoined the group and talked until class began again. I was walking along the hallways, and my stomach began to lurch in as I saw Stan pass me. He uncomfortably waved at me, as if he was a child who disobeyed and was approaching his mother. That’s what he treated me like when I was his girlfriend. Like his mother. Expecting me to do everything for him and teach him how to be and what to say. I wasn’t his wife or mother, I was his high school girlfriend. That anger and betrayal came swarming back and I nodded and said “Hi” harshly as I passed him.

The day skimmed by painfully as my anxiety grew when the end of the day reached nearer and nearer. Part of me wanted to not say anything. I wished that Tammy hadn’t told me and that things were normal again, but another part of me was thankful. I was thankful for Tammy telling me.

It was hard for me to reach the bike rack where we all hung out. Each step felt like stones were tied to my feet and my heart quickened in a nervous pace. There. I saw Stan from afar, talking with Bebe, Heidi not present.

I waited until they were finished to casually ask Stan to privately talk to him. The others were two busy with their conversation to notice.

“Hey. What is it?”

“Congratulations with your girlfriend.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks…”

“I honestly didn’t want to talk about that. I um… I heard a rumor that didn’t agree with me, and I just want to confirm on it. It was from a friend that I don’t want to reveal for trust purposes. If I get permission from her to voice her name, I’ll tell you. For now, I just want to ask you if this is true.”

“Sure… what is it?”

“My friend told me that she overheard your girlfriend say that you cheated on me with her. Is that true?” He sucked in his breathe and furrowed his brow.

Would he deny it? Or would he be man enough to admit it?

Stan… just tell me the truth…


End file.
